mmm. I guess you could say this weekend has been pretty eventful. Nothing much has happened, but emotionally I feel like I've been running a marathon, without stopping to even catch my breath.
Wow. I just got really hungry..=/
Well, saturday was long and tiring.. it was disappointing.. I saw these CUTE shoes at Buckle, and they didn't have my size ;[ talk about cry time.
By the time we got home that night.. I was so worn out, I feel like an old lady..ehh.
So Saturday night, with everything going on, between battling my friends, and myself, I don't know how I managed to stay sane that night.. wait, I might recall going a little crazy. ;]
I try so hard to put others before me, just so I can escape from myself for at least a moment.. but, that night, I felt like no matter who told me what, I couldn't manage to keep myself in a stable mindframe long enough to think of something to comfort everyone.. I just couldn't.
You ever met those kind of people that preach like they know it all, and they've seen it all, and they end up judging you like "everyone else", categorizing you for every action you make?
I know too many of those people.
Probably my biggest pet peeve is when someone tells me I "act" a certain way. Acting, to me, is something that's fake, or staged. And, I get offended when someone tells me that, mainly because I don't act anything.. I just am. If you've said it to me, don't feel bad.. ;] I understood what you were saying..
After having a sort of "vent" conversation with my Carmine last night, I feel almost renewed today, perhaps I just needed someone to listen.. and really pay attention..
Before that phone call, I felt almost like I was only there for a support system for other people. No matter how bad I had it, no matter if someone close to me died, those people who rely on me, would still complain to me about how their lives are garbage still, and just bring me down with them. I don't deserve that negativity. Nor can I deal with it. Sure, I'm glad you can count on me to always be someone you can talk to, but when you lay your problems on my shoulders, like I'm supposed to fix it, it gets to the point where I can't even function properly anymore. If you feel like maybe you're one of these people, then I'm sorry.. but don't take it the wrong way.. I'm just venting.
---
-As for my Carmine, I believe in you. Don't let it get you down. Just do what's right for you. Thank you for listening, especially since you hate that I'm crying about him. Let me learn, babe. And, I swear, if and when its over, you can do all the victory dances you please. I just need to do this by myself.
No matter how mad I get at you, or no matter how many bad things you've done, you're still my Carmine. I love the hell out of you, punk. Stay with me, don't give up now.
<33 Thanks for everything.
-My Stephy baby, I love you so damn much, its probably ridiculous. I'm here for you, sweetheart, you know this. But in order for me to help you, you've got to help yourself. I can't tell you what to do, if you're not willing to do it. Be strong, love. <33
-Marc, ahhh you're amazing. I just wish you the best of luck in finding the truth in whatever you desire. Don't give up on anything. I'll be your rock, as you are mine. I just want you to be happy, and right now, happiness seems so far away, huh? You know deep down inside what's right for you, stop making excuses. You can do it, no matter how good or bad the outcome.. just do it.
<33 Thanks for always being someone I could talk to, no matter how horrible things are, you always make me smile.
-Lainey baby, you're my love. don't ever forget it, damnit. Hang in there for me, babe. I need you to be strong. Things will be okay. I'm here. <33
-Richard. You already know. If it was 4 months ago, things would be different. But, don't regret it, honey. If its meant to be.. you'll know it. I'm here if you need me, through all the rough times, through everything.. <33
-Nena, I miss you so much its not even funny anymore. I told you you'd forget about me.. I need you. Now. <3
If you're not mentioned, don't cry. There's just some things with these people right now. ;]
Time for a nap.
<33
Wow. I just got really hungry..=/
Well, saturday was long and tiring.. it was disappointing.. I saw these CUTE shoes at Buckle, and they didn't have my size ;[ talk about cry time.
By the time we got home that night.. I was so worn out, I feel like an old lady..ehh.
So Saturday night, with everything going on, between battling my friends, and myself, I don't know how I managed to stay sane that night.. wait, I might recall going a little crazy. ;]
I try so hard to put others before me, just so I can escape from myself for at least a moment.. but, that night, I felt like no matter who told me what, I couldn't manage to keep myself in a stable mindframe long enough to think of something to comfort everyone.. I just couldn't.
You ever met those kind of people that preach like they know it all, and they've seen it all, and they end up judging you like "everyone else", categorizing you for every action you make?
I know too many of those people.
Probably my biggest pet peeve is when someone tells me I "act" a certain way. Acting, to me, is something that's fake, or staged. And, I get offended when someone tells me that, mainly because I don't act anything.. I just am. If you've said it to me, don't feel bad.. ;] I understood what you were saying..
After having a sort of "vent" conversation with my Carmine last night, I feel almost renewed today, perhaps I just needed someone to listen.. and really pay attention..
Before that phone call, I felt almost like I was only there for a support system for other people. No matter how bad I had it, no matter if someone close to me died, those people who rely on me, would still complain to me about how their lives are garbage still, and just bring me down with them. I don't deserve that negativity. Nor can I deal with it. Sure, I'm glad you can count on me to always be someone you can talk to, but when you lay your problems on my shoulders, like I'm supposed to fix it, it gets to the point where I can't even function properly anymore. If you feel like maybe you're one of these people, then I'm sorry.. but don't take it the wrong way.. I'm just venting.
---
-As for my Carmine, I believe in you. Don't let it get you down. Just do what's right for you. Thank you for listening, especially since you hate that I'm crying about him. Let me learn, babe. And, I swear, if and when its over, you can do all the victory dances you please. I just need to do this by myself.
No matter how mad I get at you, or no matter how many bad things you've done, you're still my Carmine. I love the hell out of you, punk. Stay with me, don't give up now.
<33 Thanks for everything.
-My Stephy baby, I love you so damn much, its probably ridiculous. I'm here for you, sweetheart, you know this. But in order for me to help you, you've got to help yourself. I can't tell you what to do, if you're not willing to do it. Be strong, love. <33
-Marc, ahhh you're amazing. I just wish you the best of luck in finding the truth in whatever you desire. Don't give up on anything. I'll be your rock, as you are mine. I just want you to be happy, and right now, happiness seems so far away, huh? You know deep down inside what's right for you, stop making excuses. You can do it, no matter how good or bad the outcome.. just do it.
<33 Thanks for always being someone I could talk to, no matter how horrible things are, you always make me smile.
-Lainey baby, you're my love. don't ever forget it, damnit. Hang in there for me, babe. I need you to be strong. Things will be okay. I'm here. <33
-Richard. You already know. If it was 4 months ago, things would be different. But, don't regret it, honey. If its meant to be.. you'll know it. I'm here if you need me, through all the rough times, through everything.. <33
-Nena, I miss you so much its not even funny anymore. I told you you'd forget about me.. I need you. Now. <3
If you're not mentioned, don't cry. There's just some things with these people right now. ;]
Time for a nap.
<33
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