o2.

It's easy to say something we want to believe is going to happen, it's another to actually make it happen.

There's a lot of change going on with me, lately. From school, to friends, to my mentality. Its hard to change from something you've known for so long, to something completely not what you're used to. It's hard to convince myself as every day passes, that everything's going to be okay. I believe it, but I can't feel it. My body is just worn out. I don't know what it is with me. Its like I'm covered in this blanket that isn't protecting me at all. I need to find some clarity in something I love. No matter what it may be, I can't push it away.

I don't know where we're going together. It's like I'm stuck in this place where all I want is to hear his voice tell me I'm all he's ever wanted. I just want to be this escapegoat for him to just breakdown to, but I feel like I'm holding him back from doing so. He's always the one apologizing about nothing he has to be sorry about. I just wish he would talk things out with me, and tell me how he's feeling. Today is our 2 month. I don't want to give up now. We've got more potential than that. iloveyou, baby. Till forever and a day more.

He's losing himself while finding a route to find him. He's stripping himself of the bad, and I don't know if that's good or not. He wants to be with me, but I can't let him. I'm not in love with him anymore. Just the comfort of him being there for me is enough to satisfy me. But, its a long process I made a vow to with hold. I've held on to this image of him for so long, i don't know if it'll ever change in my mind, though I should be giving him the benifit of the doubt. He's making an effort to do whatever it takes to get me back, and I don't know how long it'll stay.

In other news, I should be starting a new work out soon. I need to keep myself healthy.
Ha.. lets see how long this lasts.


Until next time; adios