o4.

"Dreams have only one owner at a time.

That's why dreamers are lonely. "

-Erma Bombeck

Lonely.

The root of all things destructive. If people are so lonely, why hasn't someone done something about it? Because that someone is lonely too.

A minute of happiness, a smile, a giggle is not eternal.

How do you get eternal happiness?

that's where I stop.

I can't answer something I don't even know myself. It's almost like I haven't been completely happy for a really long time.

And, that's horrible to be honest.

I can preach to you about how much you deserve, how happy you can be, how you should do things more for yourself than others.

But, I don't take my own advice, frankly because I don't know how to.

My heart is in serious need of healing. I want to be free. I want to feel like I can do the impossible. Right now I'm chained to this invisible something. Something so powerful it's in describable.

I don't know where I am. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know anything.

I'm lost.

We wrote in our journals for English on Thursday.

We went outside and wrote about how nature made us feel, what it says to us.

This is how it came out:

It sings me calm. Almost too calm.

The silence speaks about nothing, mostly everything.

I slip away as the wind screams me to sleep.

It presses it's fingers gently upon my cheek;

To be forever remembered.

As the sun beats me down into forever,

Loneliness, intimidation leaves me restless.

I'm almost grasping for a way out.
I take a step back & realize my sanctuary is only right in front of my eyes.

Leading me no where, but to and from my mind.

Dripping into my soul, craving for more.

Its almost like a drug.

The grass blankets me.

The blades lay restless against my spine.

No movement causes it's silence.

Forever silence.

I beg for it to speak.

I don't know what I meant by it. I just wrote.

I wish I could figure myself out.

I run away from it. As fast as I can.

Confused; lost; lonely; sad; broken.

that's all I consist of.

Save me.