21.

It's always a habit to complain about my life when I can't think straight anymore. Like its supposed to bring me some sort of clarity or something. Too bad that isn't the case at all. I wish it was that easy.

My life always seems to catch up to me when I least expect it, or when I'm so unprepared to be unhappy. I always hate writing blogs.. cause then I feel like I'm stuck on myself because every sentence is about me. Oh well. As I was saying.. Everything always fits together so nicely when there's someone there to take your mind off of it. But, as soon as that someone figures you're healthy enough to let you go.. all you care about from then on is them. Even if there wasn't anything but your friendship lying between you two, you still wanted more. Or did you?

As interesting as it is, I don't know why I'm holding on. Could it be the fact that this person convinced me that no matter my physical make up, I was every bit of beautiful? Perhaps this person's interest in me was real, but no longer is. Perhaps I was someone to help this person fill something in their life. Whatever the reason be, I'm so thankful they came into my life. So very thankful. This person made me such a better person in so many ways, even if I haven't consciously acknowledged them, I know they're there. I just wish they could see it too.

With hopeless love enticing my thoughts,

My faith resides between your palms

Without notion, you acknowledge nothing.

Though my intrigue for you grows thouroughly,

I brace myself further away.

Pushing you ever so lightly,

Just far enough to miss you like crazy.

Battling the distance,

Cursing each moment we're futher apart.

I treasure your company.

Your monotone aray of siloettic tones,

Sing me deeper into you.

You're more perfect than I've ever imagined..

.. if only you were mine.

The ex is making it harder and harder to get over him. Well, not completely. But, he's being difficult about us.. again. What does he want to be with me for? Hasn't he broken my heart enough? What does he need? Whatever it is, I'm not going to give it to him. Unless I feel like playing with him, then I might take it into consideration. But, that's not my forte. Sorry. He says I've "changed". He said I've gotten more confident and cocky. But, I don't see it. I've just accepted my flaws as they are. I'm not me for someone else. I'm me for me. If you don't like it, no one told you to stick around.. ehh. I only act that way towards him anyways.. so he's crazy.

School is ICK! I'm trying to get at least 3.5 credits done by the end of this year, so I can free up my schedule next year for college classes so I can have at least part of my associates done. Phew. When I talk about my plans I feel so intelligent ^_^. But the reality is, I'm not :[. I'm just trying REAL hard to get it all DONE. It's giving me a giant headache.

Singing is going good though! Solo ensembles was AMAZING. Even though I got a 2+, I'm glad I did it. I still went through with it even though my back was dead. I'm definitely going to do it next year. Hopefully I can make it to state! That'd be cool.. Real cool..