52.

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like without all the unnecessary elements added to help push you over the limit? I guess they say life is supposed to be hard. But for what? Its like we spend most of our time stressed out and heartbroken. Upset for no possible explaination why. For what reason? Could it be as simple as the fact that we fight for what we want or THINK makes us happy? Or gives us the slightest little pigment of happiness? We spend forever planning our future and trying to acheive our dreams, but we spend longer fighting for them. Endless nights ripping ourselves apart for that sliver of hope we get a step closer to what we've wanted.

I've been beating myself up over and over for a long time now. I invest a lot of time and effort into what I believe in and what I feel will manifest into something completely amazing. But this, this is something I've never done. I don't have confidence in what it will become, I don't have faith it will work out to our best advantage, but I'm hoping it'll be everything I wanted it to be. He fights to pick out the negative possibilities, I fight to bring out the positives.

I'm fighting to show him the best of everything, even if times aren't what they're supposed to be, I want him to see that everything isn't mean't to be perfect. I wish he could see that HE'S perfection to me. A ball of perfection in the shape of something so liberating and completely irritating. I hate him for putting me through this.

There's times I want to give up and let go, and there's times I want to scream at everyone that crosses my path, but there's never a time I want to stop being in his prescence. If I give up, he's losing a good thing. If I stay, I'm losing myself.

What to do?

Yeah, I don't know either.