You're standing at the door, I'm fallin' to the floor

In this superficial world, its type hard to stick it out and be a straight edge. I put up a tough fight but it gets me through. Maybe I've got high standards. Lets be real, the type of men I'd be physically attracted to, aren't exactly the type to get deep in thought or think of the artistic side of an argument about anything in general. They're not in any kind of hurry to conjure up theories or plots that outline their innermost views on the way the world is falling apart. Is it outlandish to think that there's someone out there that could possibly love my every move? Someone who, in my quirkiest moment, doesn't skip a thought? Someone who'll let me chill out and pick their brain apart and actually enjoy it? Someone who accepts me for who and what I am? Am I asking for too much?

And I mean, I don't need a man that's the holiest thing walking this planet, but I'd love someone who is open-minded and willing to experience different things with me. And someone who is viable to expose me to the world from his point of view. Someone who puts thought into the things he presents to me. It doesn't take much for me to think about you, I'd love for you to put the effort in to think about me.

Maybe this person doesn't exists because shit, maybe I'm demanding too much. But I believe it can happen. I wont settle for less than what I feel is "tolerable". I wont settle because things are comfortable and I wont settle my self worth and values. I deserve someone that treats me as an equal, not a significant other. 

I used to frown upon people who used sex as a basis of their relationship with a person. And I simply hated to talk about it with someone I was "talking" to. I didn't like the way it was being portrayed in the world and I shut it out of my mind. It was simply disgusting the way females were being so promiscuous. When my friends would talk to me about it, I'd try to steer my way out of the conversation as fast as I could because I simply was repulsed. Sometimes I joked about it, but in all seriousness, I hated it.

I've been a virgin for these long 18 years of my life. Every year I managed to stay a virgin, I'd promise myself one more. Ever since my friend lost her virginity at 13, I swore that I'd be better than that. Now, I'm not judging her for her actions, but I just didn't want it to be me. In my eyes, at 13, I was still a baby and I wasn't ready for that big step in my life. So I made promises to myself each year that I'd stay untouched for the next year to come. Now here I am, 18 and still holding it up. I'm proud of myself because most girls can't even say they made it past 16, and here I am, with mine still in tact.

So, due to some pondering over the last few months. I realize that, yeah, I'm 18 and technically legal, but I've got no business going out there and having sex at any time. So I vowed to wait until I was older or until marriage. And I realized that sex wasn't just a meaningless action between two parties, but with the right person, it serves purpose and intimate passion shared between two individuals.

All in all, I'm going to keep a look out for my future husband all while keeping everything contained in my pants.

-xo