I'm never the front runner..

.. I'm always the girl you'll look to for advice on your relationship now. I'll always be the girl you admire for friendship and not companionship. When I finally get in the position of potentially developing something with you, I hold on to it because it doesn't come around too often.

I've only been in love once and all those other failed relationships were just infatuation. Hell, I'm still in love. Love is a blissful, crazy, amazing, wonderful thing. It can also be the worst thing you'll ever experience in life. Whether you're in love with your work, art or a person.

There will always be an up and down. And when you come down, you fall, break your tailbone and you wont recover for months. You probably will never recover. Each time you bend over, possibly move too quickly, you'll be reminded of that pain you encompassed and you'll keep remembering. It wont hurt as bad, but you'll remember how dreadful it was and how you promised yourself you'd never do anything like it again.

And then you do.

I am so in love with love. The feeling is exhilarating. I just want to be in love forever.

Every time someone says your name, it takes everything in me to hold back my tears. I try to play it off like I'm okay when the expression on my face gives me away each time. I just want to be able to smile whenever someone sympathizes for me. I want to reassure them that I'm happier. How do you make it look so easy?

I miss you so damned much it makes me fucking sick.