You're bad for me.

Really bad for me. I'm not sure if it was just the timing of everything or the fact that from the beginning, you were lying to me. Sometimes I force myself to believe that you're really in love with me, just so I don't look so recklessly in love with someone who reciprocated nothing to me. But I can't say that. There ultimately is NO excuse for what you've continuously done to me, but I can't run away from the fact that we were hopelessly in love with each other.  You couldn't separate yourself from what you were comfortable with doing because whatever that was, was aiding to your insecurities and helping you feel better about yourself every single day because that's how you've done it since day one.

Somehow I'm trying to understand the mental process by which you decided to "end" things with me. I wasn't ready for you to drop the, "WE'RE JUST FRIENDS, KYE. WE DON'T DATE" bomb on me. Especially the entire first week of January, we locked ourselves in the room, and I tried my best to help you grieve with whatever you were dealing with and I was there right by your side through it all. You endlessly expressed your love for me and when you rip it away because all the sudden you formulate this "crush" on someone that seemingly reminds yourself of me, you expect me to accept it for what it is. It's not that easy.

I'm stuck here, forced to see the world without trying to view it from between the cracks of your fingers being held over my eyes. Sometimes I feel liberated without you and even though nights are the worst, I still manage to fall asleep without the sound of your breath. My heart aches, each day I miss you more and still, I manage to be something without you.