Nothing scares me more than the thought of getting back together with my ex. Although, it has absolutely no chance of happening, why do I find myself so frightened whenever he begs me to come back? Why does it make me so divinely ill to picture these words coming true. We didn't work for a reason and I want to make that clear. Maybe it's a mistake for us to continue to be cordial, but I'm proud of myself for cutting the conversation short. I let him know, like all the multiple times before, that it can never be what he wants it to be. I've been so happy this past year without him and I am so thankful that I've come to that realization. I used to do unthinkable, unforgivable things to get him to notice me, and I would settle for less than what I deserved. But no more.
I deserve to have more, give more and love more than the time before. I deserve to be trusting and wholesome with someone who embraces all that I am and all I believe. I deserve to be loved by a man who is genuine and sincere. Who trusts that the embodiment of our relationship only enhances our current selves to progress and manifest into greater bounds, which we had no recollection of in previous forms. I deserve more from a man than just the inclination of your dissatisfaction with your current situation. I am not a back up plan.
I deserve someone like him. Who is the opposite of you in ways you'll never understand. I deserve the happiness he brings me in heaps of good energy and laughter. I deserve to be embraced by him with the knowledge of his fondness for me and his expanding curiosity to know me for what I am. I deserve all the more he has to offer me, not settling for less.
I learned a lot about myself this early morning, and I learned a lot about what I want. I know it's not much to go off of, but it's just enough to get my mind right.
It's too early for this shit.
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