33.

Sometimes I become so oblivious to my surroundings, not caring about the consequences of my actions. I mean, why should I? Dumb question. ;

The past few days have been a blur. I can't make out a lot of the thoughts in my head. Well, I haven't been trying at least. I've been trying to lead my heart in the right direction, but it almost feels as if it's doing it on its own. I don't know how much I trust that. In every situation, I always try my best to think logically about what may or may not be the outcome, whether it be negative or positive. This roller coaster I'm on is started to scare me. The ups and downs, the twists and turns... Somehow, I don't know if I can manage to stay on any longer. In my mind, I keep insisting on being strong. Although, at times, I feel like getting off and crying like a baby. I've got that feeling in the pit of my stomach... The one where you don't exactly know if you're going to be sick or not, but you'll take the chance anyway.. Just to play it off like you're okay. Even if you're sure you're sick.

Over the last couple months, I've noticed it's been awfully hard trusting many people. I've gotten rid of most of the negative people out of my life, but I don't know if that will suffice. So every new person I meet, I put up this guard like I'm invincible, nothing harms me, nothing can tear me down. While most of this is true, I do have feelings and I'm not insensitive. I've been slipped into categories when all I am, is just me.

I haven't had much time to think lately. Really think about things, and try to grasp on to a little bit of something I count on to keep me from frantically falling apart. I'm trying to focus on the things that are most important to me, and adhere to my priorities.

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I care about you so much. I care about what you think. I care about what you do. I care about the way you are. It scares me to think that I'm so deep into it, and we've barely gone anywhere. I don't know how to process that, so if I make mistakes, please forgive me. I don't know all the answers to your questions, I may not know exactly how to say how I feel, but I promise I wont let you down, nor steer you in the wrong direction (not intentionally anyways ;/). I like the way I feel when I speak to you... The way your voice gets softer when you've got something on your mind.. I like the way you say my name and the way your laugh is just so perfect. I may not have everything you look for, I may not speak full sentences or make much sense all the time, but I know that I'll always be here for you, regardless of any obstacle. I wish you happiness. More happiness than you could ever ask for.

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I know I make mistakes, everyone does.
I just take responsibility for mine.