sevenzero.

So, its late. I'm well aware. Third term is finally over and I think I can feel my brain again. Gah! I hate school with everything in my heart. I switched my A4 to kind of a study hall so I can have extra school time to work on things that need to get done. Hopefully I don't screw around anymore. I didn't want to do anything last term, but this term I feel a sense of fresh air arising.
*breathes it in*
mmm.

I've finally got a portfolio for this STUPID application, that's taken me ALL YEAR to prepare for. I'm not even impressed with my work on my sketches. I don't even know why I should send it in, but I've got to. Mark's waiting for the rest of my application, since he's already recieved my letters. BAH!

Okay, I promised myself I wouldn't think about school before leaving for tour. I guess I can't help it since I don't feel like going to school tomorrow. So, I'm up late because I'm being rebellious and not going to class. muahahaha! I still have so much to do! Laundry, clean up my room, add songs to my iTouch, PACK, PACK, PACK, find my sanity, buy an umbrella, ask my mother to donate money to the poor, which equals me. Get food for the bus ride THERE. Charge my PSP. SO MANY THINGSSSSS. I should probably get started bright and early tomorrow. >.< Pray for me.

Alright, so.. I'm gone tomorrow night? I can tell you I'm super freaking scared. Why? I don't go ANYWHERE without my family. Like seriously, no where. I know this trip is going to make me realize how dependent I am of them. I'm going to miss them, but don't tell them, please. They start freaking out when I express emotion to them. They act like a heart really doesn't exist in my chest. They're drama queen's. Mannnn, I can't even order pizza by myself, or get my own shoe size without one of them doing it. I'm such a baby.

Nena was texting me the other night kind of upset about how things are between me and her. I don't know how to describe the feeling I get whenever the subject is brought up. I don't know how to put into words how I feel about it, or felt about it. At the time, she was doing what she was doing, and who was I to tell her stubborn ass, how I felt about her actions? Yeah, just me. I mean, all I wanted was to see her happy, and whenever I heard from her was when SHE needed me. She never gave me the security of being there when I needed her. I guess I never needed it because I kept convincing myself that the only security I needed was to see her happy. Obviously that whole situation was a big, BIG mistake. But she's learned from it and she's trying to work things out now, but I don't know how to just bounce back from that? She was a big part of my life. I remember when she told me she was leaving. I cried for days. I really felt like I was lost someone. And I basically did. The Nena I used to know, isn't the Nena that's here now. So, what do I do with this person I barely know anymore? Hmm. We'll see what happens.

Marc told me a story last night. ;] I had to finish it though. He says my storytelling skills are better than his. He's a liar. I would've picked his story over mine ANYDAY. <3

I told Jerome the other day that Rell gives me what he doesn't and he completely understood. Did he make the effort to change that fact? mmm NOPE. Oh well. I don't care.

Well, I should probably head to bed. Maybe I'll post once more tomorrow before I leave. If not, see you in Seattle!