My heart ain't a brain but I think that I still love you.

I'm not sure where I've been these past couple of days but I feel like my mind isn't quite the same. I don't know, maybe I'll fix it soon. Hm, moving on..

Same old things: fixing broken hearts while trying to mend my own. Its funny, really. But I don't feel like getting into that. Although, getting into the relationship aspect of everything, I simply can't handle one at this moment in my life. As much as in the spur of the moment I can be, I just can't. I see my friends with these boyfriends and their lives completely changing, and I'm not ready for that responsibility to come along. Because once I get into something, I'm putting my friendships on the line and I can't afford to lose the friends I've got. I just sit back and think about it, taking it all in, and I can't do it. I mean, okay, I haven't had all the experience in the world so I guess I'm a rookie, but that doesn't mean it all doesn't end up the same way. I don't have the heart or the energy to fight with whomever or make sure this person has enough of me. So, while I've got future candidates for potential boyfriend material, I subconsciously push them away because I'm afraid. It's definitely not hard to tell either.

"What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm not going to hurt you.."

"Stop pushing me away."


Quite a predicament, eh?

And honestly, I don't know when I'll ever be ready.