one zero four

As much as I'd like this entire essence of my blog to be this philosophical release into the world, it isn't going to happen.
I don't write things that manifest into deep thoughts or inspire you to walk around with my words lingering in your head all day. My words aren't heartfelt or heard from a million miles away. They don't really have much meaning to them, to be honest.

I spend my blog-days posting things I've spent my time doing. Sometimes my feelings come out once in a while but those vast occasions are minimal and rarely happen.

I guess for the most part, I don't trust my feelings to be written out on pages of my blog only for them to be judged by the next individual. I know I shouldn't be worried about issues like that, but it happens. Some people take advantage of the "therapeutic" aspect of the blogging world and turn it into gossip. I read blogs to read them. It's entertainment and sometimes liberating knowing someone may be having similar issues in their lives as I do. I'm obviously not alone in this little blogosphere.

I don't know what statement I'm trying to make, I'm just typing.

Some of you who read my blog are actually people who know me in real life, and some of you only know me through someone who knew me from someone else. Some of us have got an enormous amount of things in common and some may be repulsed by the thought of me. It doesn't really matter. Either you're down with what I'm about or you're not. It's all irrelevant.




In other news, I'm going to the Alicia Keys concert tonight. I'm super excited. I bet its going to be one of the best concerts I've ever been to. I wish I could take my camera but they're not allowed. I'll probably snap a few pics with my phone if I get a chance though. If I do, I'll post some for you kids go take a peek at.

Boys are trouble. Plain and simple. Don't trust their word if they promise it's what they're about because their intentions speak paragraphs about what they really want. One minute they're in your ear swearing up and down about how much they're into you and the next minute they're telling your best friend the same things. It's amusing in an aspect of it but it blows my mind how they've got the heart to go on about their day knowing they've possibly hurt someone. I don't understand it. Maybe someday I will but today I don't.

The way I see it, I know what I want out of a relationship and it definitely isn't sexual satisfaction. If you can't respect or live up to what I want, I can't deal with it. I wont compromise my morals and values for your satisfaction or your quick fix. I do not like your blunt force upon my body and I will not be taken advantage of. If you don't understand why, then you can't understand anything about me for that matter. I do what I do for a reason and you didn't/don't respect it. I don't care about how long we've been speaking, it simply isn't going to happen just because its what YOU want. I'm not going to cater to you. I'm not going to make sure you've got time for me in your schedule. I'll fit you in mine. Objections? Too bad. I'm not changing.

Whew, I can tell this is going to be a long post. -wipes forehead

So I might have taken what Marc told me last night a liiiiiittle bit out of context but I'm sure it wasn't just for no reason. I don't like feeling that way and that just hit me the wrong way. I know it wasn't meant the way I registered it as, but I wish that it was said a different way. I understand that it was meant to be a little funny but I didn't see the humor. For those who know or don't know, Marc and I have a special relationship. He's more than my best friend but we both know and understand where each of us stand. He isn't even in comparison to any of the friends I've got now and I'd die before I compared him to someone else. Nobody should be threatened by our relationship, but they should know that they can't come between us. He's one person I'd live and die for. Period. So, before you start comparing your relationship to him, to ours, think twice. Cause you'll never be us. Same goes for me. Nobody can fill his shoes or come close to being that important to me. Ever. Just wanted to make that clear.


Anyway, mother dearest hasn't been herself lately and I'm kind of hurt by it. She's been staying out late on week nights and I'm not comfortable with it. I know, I know, "Your mom has a life too" yadda yadda. I get it. I know she has a life to live but being a mother should come before anything or anybody else. "You guys are grown and can take care of yourself" blah blah blah. And? I've heard it all before, but it doesn't change the fact that I miss who she used to be. Regardless of how "lonely" she's feeling, she's always going to have me and Jas. If she loses us, she's not going to have anything else and I think she's afraid of that. Hopefully after this party we throw for her, she'll look at us in a different light. Speaking of the party, I've almost got the playlist intact. Just a few more CD's to be imported and a lot more organizing. We've still got the whole set-up to do. I'm still trying to figure out how we're going to pull this thing off. I'm just hoping it'll be a success. It should be for the most part.

Gosh, I feel like I haven't talked to my mom in years. What happened?


That's all, folks.