The Great Debate

I've been staying up late recently. Been thinking too much about the future of things. I honestly don't even have much to say about it, that's the thing. There's so much bothering me, but not enough words are expressing what's really going on.

I've been going back and forth with myself and the probability of every single decision I make from here on out. I want to be honest and upfront about this tick that's eating at me, but parts of me hesitate because I don't want to hear the truth. I already know the reaction, I already figure what the outcome is; so I linger a bit longer here to see if I could change your mind.

What I realize is this: If it were meant to happen, it would have. What keeps drawing me in is, I can't get the things you say out of my head. I can't just excuse what happens between us like it wasn't anything. You say these raw, awful and honest words to me that resonate. I don't know what it is with you, but I don't want to let you go. You give me hope, then make me regret I even had high hopes for this. I don't want the, "What are we doing?" conversation. I just want to know that the thought of me possibly leaving your life scares you. If it doesn't, I'll know my place.

Maybe I already know my place.